"Energy crisis solved!"

"Hey America, I'm Paris Hilton and I'm a celebrity, too. Only, I'm not from the olden days and I'm not promising change like that other guy. I'm just hot. But then that wrinkly white-haired guy used me in his campaign ad, which I guess means I'm running for president. So thanks for the endorsement, White Haired Dude. And I want America to know that I'm, like, totally ready to lead. Now I want to present my energy policy for America. Just as soon as I finish reading this article on where I can fly to get the best tan.

Oh, Maui. Loves it. Okay, so here's my energy policy. Barack wants to focus on new technologies to cut foreign oil dependency. And McCain wants offshore drilling. Well, why don't we do a hybrid of both candidates' ideas? We can do limited offshore drilling with strict environmental oversight while creating tax incentives to get Detroit making hybrid and electric cars. That way, the offshore drilling carries us until the new technologies kick in, which will then create new jobs and energy independence. Energy crisis solved! I'll see you at the debates, bitches. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go pick out a vice-president. I'm thinking Rihanna. I'll see you at The White House. Oh, and I might paint it pink. I hope that's cool with you guys. Bye.

I'm Paris Hilton and I approve this message because I think it's totally hot. "